Levels of Competence

We all have to learn everything from the basics to the exotics of relationship work.  With each exposure to good work, we move up in our competence to do relationship work.  The following is and expression of how to look at this.  Start reading from the bottom and work your way up to higher competence.

4. Unconscious Competence Able to do without thinking about what you are doing. You drive where you are going and do not remember anything of driving from key-in-the-ignition to key-out-of-the-ignition.  And you got there safely with great skill.
3. Conscious Competence Able to do but you have to think about what you are doing. As you begin to get out on the street, you have to run the steps of driving through your head, step by step.  Some stumbling and bumbling but it all is making the car get where you want to go.
2. Conscious Incompetence Know you do not know how to do what is to be done. As you started the in-car portion of driver's education, you became very aware that you didn't know how to drive.  As the car lurched and stopped hard, the evidence became clear.
1. Unconscious Incompetence Don't know that you don't know what is to be done or how to do it. As a child of 6 or 7, you rode and acted like you were driving the family car but really didn't know you didn't know how to drive. 

Finding  your areas of incompetence in relationships is a trial and error process.  As you venture forth, you will not know what to do and that is level one.  What to do will vary with each relationship and COMMUNICATION with the other person will help you discover what to do and how to do it.  As you discover what does not work you move to level two.  As you discover what does work, you will move to level three.  When you reach level four, you will be remarkably well adapted to being with that person or people and knowing what makes them tick or be ticked off.  From this vantage point you can gain the contentment of relationships.