Divine Expectations by Women

Since the Genesis Fall:
Some characteristics of GOD are:
Women want men to be:
Men want women to be:


Not all women want to experience muscle. Men seem to be more observant of muscle than women. So what power does a woman want a man to exercise?

First, she wants that power to be under control for her good. The man she admires will use the power to help with her needs, bring comfort, and provide security.

The good power can come in the form of physical muscle to hold, push, lift, stand, separate, and/or block things that make her feel uncomfortable. He can also help in the psychological situations by knowing what to do and initiating at the right time, not melting down and leaning on her, not looking to other women to confirm his value, and being able to listen for whatever time she wants or needs to talk. He will show spiritual strength by being the head of the household, leading in prayer, leading in Biblical study, and leading in devotions.

Power is necessary for perception and presence. Power comes from more than physical muscle. She is able to detect psychological and spiritual muscle too. She wants the man to be powerful before she meets him. If he is not displaying power, she will test his power with her own testing equipment to determine if he is powerful.

•        She may desire that he hold her when she is weak, strong, and/or out of sorts and hold the family finances to a budget, the family rules without wavering, the children when wet or cranky, the groceries as she puts them away for storage, or the door as she approaches and passes through.

•        She may desire that he be able to push appliances, strollers, grocery carts, cars, or lawn mowers and do so without complaint and with joy.

•        She may ask him for help to lift things she could lift or other things she cannot lift.

•        She may want him to stand beside her when around those who do not understand her, stand for her when she is wrong or wronged, stand tall so she can always find him, and can stand her no matter how unattractive she may feel at the moment or for days.

•        She may want him to separate frozen hamburger patties, fighting children, static filled linens, his time from television, or his heart from his work.

•        She wants him to block out things that will distract him at the moment she is connecting, block out following other women who might catch his attention, block out time for her life with him and dates for family and friends, block his parents from meddling in their affairs, and block his primary emotions from spilling over into anger.

Cooperation with her requests is a display of his intellectual powers to understand and validate her need as legitimate.

His power to know what to do with her emotions will help her feel important to him and if he does not seek to know her, she may feel his power is dedicated to someone or something else. His power to know what to do in any situation will give her safety from rejection and comfort in inclusion. Affirmation of her feeling is not agreement that she is right but understanding that she can feel what she feels based upon the circumstances as she sees or experiences them. She does not want him to fix things as much as she wants his perception to experience them with her.

His presence with her gives him the opportunity to give her his strength to lean on him.

•        By initiating through giving his understanding shoulder.

•        By showing that he defers to her instead of himself.

•        By showing up as the knight in shining armor that first stands with her before he fights any enemies. The enemy may only be a memory. A drawn sword, alone, does not dispel her trauma.

Comforting is the first act of the perceptive knight. A well-placed shield may be all that is needed for her comfort. The perceptive knight will see if she moves behind for protection and comfort. If she stands beside, she and the knight are in this together and the knight can lead without getting ahead of her. If she moves behind, then sword and shield are there to protect before an offensive charge. If she is protected and comforted with protection, the knight will not leave her while in his charge of battle. Having done all to stand, he stands as her protection. The battle may be the Lord’s and the knight’s protection and comfort the only part he can give to her. If the danger and battle are still at hand, waiting for her to go forward beside the knight and the Lord is important. 

A meltdown in the knight is not good. This will show no power. A meltdown will show no perception to be ready for the battle or comfort. Leaning on her for power will only increase her frustration and independence. 

Sometimes a man will look to other women for power or perception. A display of lack of power by seeking feminine comfort will bring major damage to the respect for a man. Seeking feminine perception can provide wisdom as long as that feminine perception comes from a safe and secure source. That source must be seen as safe and secure by the woman. When a man seeks other feminine perception, checking the source with the woman in his life must come first before checking with the outside female. The outside female can be his mom, her mom, her sister, his sister, a counselor, or other woman. No checking on intimate information can be made outside the relationship without first clearing with the woman in his life. 

As certain as gravity will cause a heavy object to fall, a man seeking for his intimate needs to be met by an outside female will cause the primary relationship to fall. This is a deadly display of lack of power. This seeking could be spiritual, emotional, or physical. This includes imagery, touch, talk, flirting, gifts, prayer, arousal, excitement, comfort, or understanding. The bottom line test of impropriety is this: Can he tell her prior to going to any other woman without anger, fear, or shame?

Listening is a tool for every type of deference. A man defers to a woman when he truly listens to her heart, head, and spirit. She knows when he has heard her because he acts to affirm her.

To help understand the power and construction of word pictures, read this great book, The Language of Love, by Gary Smalley and John Trent. (For a short course on word pictures, try this page:  Word Pictures) Also check out listening skills on: Who is listening

Listening to her heart allows her to build an image of what is going on in her emotional being in his logic and emotion. The logic in a man is primarily picture building. If he cannot see it, he cannot understand it. When he sees it, he has only begun to understand it. Word pictures are the most useful form of communication to humans. Jesus spoke in word pictures to crowds, groups, and individuals. Once the image is made in the mind and heart, life on that topic has begun.

Consider an image in the mind being like a vessel made of dirt. If there is no moisture, it is basically still dirt, or dust. To be malleable, dirt must have some water in it. The best wet dirt for forming is clay without large pieces of grit in it. (See how the image is building as you read?) Soft clay with just the right amount of moisture works easily and holds it’s shape. Once the image is built, it will stay. Build it right and it can be built upon. Building well is efficient and powerful. Building wrong requires tearing down and building again or destruction. Listening is the truck that brings the psychological and spiritual building materials to the job site. You have to work with the materials after they are delivered. A good set of plans is also required. Do not forget your building permit. 

The man of godly power is ready to exert that power in the fashion of love for others. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 gives 16 characteristics of agape love. This list is more than any mere human can do with a right mind, more the less with sin’s influence. The power of God is in these characteristics and they can be trained in one by one. To show spiritual strength, the man will lead to spiritual things. Not by force but by leadership. “Sowing and reaping” means that he will sow love and love will come up. If he thinks he can sow love to get love and getting love is the motive, the seed may not germinate at all. In the spiritual realm, what he is sowing is self-gratification. That is what is in his heart, self-gratification. That will come up like a whirlwind.

(For another look at love, this link will take you to a copy of an article about OTHERISHNESS)

The household is the perfect environment to begin sowing the power of love. Otherishness is the form of this love. Otherish love does not demand, it gives. Speaking in prayer is not preying on other’s problems or faults. Powerful prayer comes from the heart of a righteous man. This man seeks the heart of God and prays according to God working in him both to will and to do of His good pleasure. The lead in Bible study will be to open the Word and express, with sincerity, what the Word means to him and he will listen to what the Word means to others. The Holy Spirit will teach through him the oracles of God. He will powerfully provide his devotion to his family as a devotion to God. This devotion seeks the heart of God as how to lead his children and how to bless his wife. Bestowing upon his family is as bestowing upon God. His family may be a wife, a wife and children, his family of origin, a group with which he lives, a group within his church, a group within his workplace. All of these people have need of seeing powerful devotion to the work of God in us. God is still creating in us the image of His Son. Not everyone will see the image and far fewer will understand the image of Jesus displayed in a man. The woman close to him ought to be able to see it and delight in it. 

And what happens when the power is turned toward selfish interests? The hordes of hell will use every advantage to trap the man or the woman. Hell wants the chaos the comes from selfishness. So the frustrated woman will demand that the man meet her needs and will expect that the man knows what the needs are without telling him. He must be omniscient for her connecting needs to be met. She may go to pleading, begging, withdrawal, hoovering, drama, panic, solitude, misery, and blame it on the man for not knowing her, wanting her, or acknowledging her. She will not see that her requirements exceed the ability or desire of the man with which she is trying to make connection. She may be totally blind because her needs are not met psychologically or spiritually. If you can imagine a woman chewing cardboard to get a surf and turf gourmet delight, this is her ultimate end. It may have said lobster on the cardboard box, but there is not nutrition to satisfy the hunger. 

When a man squanders his power, he lets himself be vulnerable to forces that will endeavor to tear him down. As his power is misused, he has no power for spiritual warfare and the weakness spiritually will open him to every onslaught of evil. Romans 1:18-28 describes the process. A man cannot make it in this world alone. He must give wisely from his power to those in need to meet their need. The man who is powerless, or low on power, will typically withdraw to get away from demands. Not all withdrawn men are in low power, some are just plain selfish. He will hate those who put demands and requests upon him because he knows he is not seen as competent to supply what is needed by others. This hate may come out in many ways such as selfish spending, addictions, time away, un-accountability, mischief, poor choices, abuse, demanding or controlling behavior, or other poor relationship choices. These behaviors do not only come from powerlessness. His power, in these circumstances, is like uncontrolled lightning. Wherever the lightning can find a tall target, it will strike. This striking at others will not make sense to anyone around him.

When Abram was 99 years old, the Lord appeared to him, and said, I am the Almighty God; walk and live habitually before me, and be perfect - blameless, whole-hearted, complete. Genesis 17:1 (The Amplified Bible)

So, Who is OMNIPOTENT? Not the man. He is not God. God is OMNIPOTENT. The word “Almighty,” in the scriptures quoted to the right, means OMNIPOTENT. Men are potent but not omnipotent. When a woman is demanding more power than a man has to give, God is the answer to her need. Only God is OMNIPOTENT. He does it all perfectly the first time and no man can do that and especially not consistently.

I am the Alpha and the Omega the beginning and the end, says the lord God, He Who is and Who was and Who is to come, the Almighty - the Ruler of all. Revelation 1:8 (The Amplified Bible)

So, Who is OMNISCIENT? Not the man. He is not God. God is OMNISCIENT. He alone has “understanding that is inexhaustible and boundless.” Men are perceptive but not omniscient. When a woman is demanding more perception than a man has to give, God is the answer to her need. Only God is OMNISCIENT. He knows it all perfectly all the time and no man can do that and especially not consistently.

But will God indeed dwell with men on the earth? Behold, the heaven and Heaven of heavens [in its most extended compass] cannot contain You; how much less this house that I have built? 1 Kings 8:27 (The Amplified Bible)

So, Who is OMNIPRESENT? Not the man. He is not God. God is OMNIPRESENT. He cannot be contained in all the heavens. Men are able to be in a place and only one place at a time, not omnipresent. When a woman is demanding a man to be where she wants him all the time that is more than a man can give, God is the answer to her need. Only God is OMNIPRESENT. He is always there for her all the time and no man can do that and especially not consistently. 

So the man and the woman must go to God for correction and rebuilding. God alone has the character to do the work. He delights in the woman or man who fully submits to Him and rightly submit to each other. Only God satisfies our needs perfectly.


You can find more on gender differences by clicking:  Differences in male and Female Communication.