TRUST

Trust is the active, volitional, dependence on consistency. Because trust is active, effort must sustain it. Because trust is volitional, it is not emotional.  Trust is an act of the will. Since trust depends on consistency, we must persist in the study of people we want and need to trust.

  • You can only trust those who are consistent. Only four persons, in all of creation, deserve trust all the time or 100 percent trust. Three of these four are the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Who is the fourth? Satan. He is consistent as well. God wants always what is best for us. No matter how bad things may seem, God will always bring out the best for us. The crucifixion is a good example of how bad seeming things can be very good. No matter how good things seem, Satan will always bring out the worst for us. The fruit episode is a good example of how bad good-seeming things can be. The seeming good or bad outcome is not reason to trust. The consistency of the outcomes is reason to trust. The scriptures tell us not to trust in horses, money, friends, princes, swords and many other things. The overriding theme of the scriptures is that God is trustworthy and it is He whom we will trust without disappointment. We must be willing to study God’s nature and consistency to be able to trust Him with the dangerous issues of life. Study God to see that He is worthy of your trust.  Do not just trust experiences unless you can see them from an all-encompassing distance.

  • The trust scales are a way of looking at how a person can be trusted. The information comes from the observer’s position.  So the person wanting to trust must be able to understand what is or is not consistent in the other person.

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  • Since we can only trust God, what are we to do with those in other relationships? We must study their COMMUNICATION - words and behavior across time. As we study their words and behavior we will pick out those areas of consistency and begin to form a picture of who they are. Once we know how they will be consistent, we know how they will operate in similar situations yet to come. (We need to study ourselves for those consistencies as well.) To expect someone to operate in a way that is inconsistent with their particular consistency is foolish. Too often we feel like we can make a person change their mode of operation just by wanting them to be different. This is dangerous and leads to massive disappointment or disillusionment.

  • Imagine you drive an 18-wheeler and travel every day making deliveries.  On your way home, you cross a bridge about a mile from home.  This night, there are flares and blue lights ahead of the bridge.  As you approach the blue lights an officer flags you to a stop to tell you the bridge is out, fell under a large truck, and you have to use the six-mile detour to get to the other side.  Not a problem, the detour comes out at your house.  So you turn onto the detour and head home.  You think about the bridge falling under a truck that was heavily loaded and it sends chills up your back.  For eighteen months, you travel the detour.  On this night, you see no barricades across the road at the detour.  The bridge is finished and open.  As you approach the bridge, your heartbeat quickens and you think about the chill you felt eighteen months ago.  Too late, you are on the bridge.  You cross it and arrive home a few minutes later, but your heart has not slowed to normal yet.  What does this mean?  This means that you do not trust the new bridge yet.  As days turn to weeks, you get used to the new bridge, the new view of the river, and that the bridge does not fall in when you cross it.  You have learned to trust the bridge.  You have overcome the mistrust of the old bridge.  This bridge metaphor of trust involves the fear that can develop when consistency has been in a relationship for a long time. Even though a person may not fall into a river when the other person fails to be consistent, there will be a long time of caution or fear. It is likely that thoughts will always occur when a person crosses something that reminds them of the inconsistency of the other or their own mistake. With time and continual crossing with success, the thoughts grow less invasive and sometimes may disappear all together.

A truck crossing a bridge called consistnecy

  • Imagine a tiger tethered to a large pole.  The tiger looks friendly but is every ounce still a tiger.  You like petting cats and this is a very big kitty.  To be safe, you have to trust that the pole and tether will keep him from mauling you if he is not friendly.  The tiger metaphor of trust is about people who may look safe but they may not be safe. A tiger can be warm and fuzzy or can maul the person in a flash. The trusting needs to be based upon God and a relationship with God. He is the only One who is always consistent. When God restrains another person, don’t seek the other person to be consistent. If they could be, God would not have to restrain them. Wait for God to give approval to move forward with trust in a positive way.

A tiger leashed to a pole

  • A counterfeit to trust is available. When we cannot trust, we try to Control. All of us want and need peace, security, and contentment. Trust will provide these elements if the person or people with whom we interact are consistently good. To assure ourselves of peace, security, and contentment when we have no basis for trust, we resort to control. One problem exists with control in these circumstances. It doesn’t work. Controlling people is like holding Jell-O in your hand. The longer you hold it the more it runs. The tighter you squeeze it the more it gets away. Control of Jell-O leaves you with a sticky and stained hand and no Jell-O. The person you want to trust empowers trust of them. The person you trust has to be consistent and you have to be able to recognize the consistency. The controller empowers control. Control can be a 24-hour-a-day exercise in futility holding Jell-O. For sure, when a person does not want you controlling them, you will not control them. Manipulation is a form of control. The power it exerts is only through deception. To secure peace, security and contentment through manipulation will be very expensive in relationship energy and the results will never be peace, security, and contentment. Control

  • Trying to keep trust can be very hard unless you plan to be consistent.  Trust Levels

As expressed in Attitude, the attitude of the person is 90 percent of what makes the life satisfying. With an attitude that desires to rebuild, 90 percent of the job is done.

Now for the final tough and not-so-wonderful communication, Confrontation >